Jan 1, 2011

Mistakes in Labor: Part 3 - Letting Go

I needed time to process my thoughts on various subjects. On Tuesday December 28 2010, at 9:07am my fourth son, Liam Michael was born weighing 7lbs, 3.4oz and was 19 inches long. A big part of accepting his labor and delivery is to let it go.

Liam's birth was supposed to be my second (and final) homebirth. At 33 weeks, my blood pressure was slightly elevated for a second time in my pregnancy and I was risked out of homebirth for PIH (pregnancy induced hypertension). My midwife ran labs to make sure I wasn't developing pre-eclampsia, and then consulted with an OB, and together they agreed that for our safety, it would be best if I could deliver at the hospital. My best chance of having a natural birth was at the hospital 26 miles away in a bigger city. I was crushed. I was angry, heartbroken, disappointed, scared, and then I let it go. "It is what it is" I told myself over and over, until eventually I believed it. I accepted this new challenge as a way to heal from my last two hospital births in which I succumbed to a domino effect of interventions that led to me being on my back, numb from an epidural pushing my baby out on command. I told myself my new goal was to have a different experience and I diligently wrote up a birth plan that included no pitocin, no epidural, no back pushing, laboring and delivering in the water and I was determined I would have my homebirth in a hospital.

The rest of my pregnancy had its ups and downs. The OB's office had me waiting over an hour to be seen my first two appointments, and I was getting frustrated by how little time I spent with a provider, vs. my homebirth midwife where I was greeted at the door, never had to wait beyond a couple minutes *maybe* twice, and each of my visits was an hour long. Accepting that I was still important even though I no longer felt like a priority was difficult, but I had to remind myself my homebirth midwife has a lighter patient load because she chooses to. My blood pressure was never elevated again which was bittersweet. My birth plan was accepted and it was decided I could have a planned hospital waterbirth. Now I just had to wait to have my baby. It seemed everything was lining up perfect and this birth would be my "healing" birth.

Stay tuned for my update of Liam's birth story.

2 comments:

Sheridan said...

Ummm, how long do we have to wait!

SumnerRain said...

Posted!