Feb 2, 2009

I need to teach a class!

I will call it "Drop off your damn kid like you have a brain, 101".

Austin goes to a charter school, it is an amazing school, it is free, but it comes with a price. The price is that it is a commuter school and most parents must drop off and pick up their kids. I think there is something about this parking lot that turns normal people into complete idiots. The school parking lot is designed very well, I think my 3 year old could figure out how to navigate it, however some parents seem to regress to the wisdom of a newborn babe as soon as they cross the thresh-hold.

The parking lot is laid out simply:
You enter, you pull into bay A or B depending on which one is empty, you pull your car up to the front of the line, you kick your kid out the door and leave.

Simple huh?

Yeah, one would think so but this is what I see on a daily basis:

  • Bay A is full, Bay B is empty, and cars are backed up to point C so no one can get into bay B because heaven forbid we let our little prince or princess walk TWO full freaking car lengths more to get to school! Let everyone behind us be late, we MUST wait to get to Bay A!

  • Kid sits in the front seat, backpack goes into the trunk, so in order to kick the kid out of the car, we must make a fiasco of kid out, unlock (or pop) trunk, rifle through the crap in the trunk to find book bag, binder, lunch pail, coat, etc. What happened to putting your coat on, your crap inside the backpack and put your junk on your lap or feet so mom or dad can pull up and you can move onto class.

  • This is my favorite, I love it when mom makes a HUGE production of sending her baby off to school with multiple hugs and kisses and the line is backing up around the block. I feel like screaming "GET A ROOM!!" I can understand this if little Johnny is going off to kindergarten for the first time. But this is middle school! for shit's sake people, your kid is TWELVE! You are humiliating your kid into lifetime therapy!

  • I love it when cars stop directly in line with the door instead of proceeding down to the end of the line. This prevents about 6 more cars from entering the drop off line and slowing the whole process down.

  • Same goes for the people who stop one or two car lengths between the car in front of them. We are not driving at highway speeds here, 15 second rule need not apply. Guess what, at ZERO miles per hour, you can be less than a foot from the car in front of you and STILL be able to stop in time!

I am sure more topics to my class will come up as time goes on. Props will include gestures and words not suitable for young children, so if you wish not to attend, pull into the first available bay (yes B is just as good as A) pull up all the way to the numbered line, kick the kid out of the door with no more than a wave or a "have a good day" and then GET OUT! If you do wish to attend, please arrive between 7:15-7:35, and behave like your IQ is the same number as the temperature is outside. This seminar is complimentary and includes a free birdie, multiple four letter words you may not have ever heard combined before, and if you are lucky I may just get out of my car and smack you upside the head!

Have a nice day! :)


Allison said...

Oh. My. Dog. That was freaking hysterical! I feel your pain, but at the same time, I'm glad you had it just so I could get a giggle!

SumnerRain said...

LOL I was seriously disturbed by the mom kissing her son over and over, I kept yelling "Quit molesting the poor kid in front of his friends, they will drag his sissy, mama's boy butt out back and beat him up if you keep that up!" Thank goodness I don't have the younger kids with me or they might learn some new words!

JJ said...

Omigosh-I haven't had such a good laugh in so long. And sadly, it's only because I comiserate with you. Been there, done that. Just wish I could say it to those people who forgot their brains on the way to school. Hope you guys are doing well!

Sheridan said...

I so often yell at people in the drop off line. Their stupidity drives me crazy. It might not be so bad if I wasn't driving other kids. But I am pretty sure they report back to their mom the things I say.

I posted about this on my blog long ago. 5rips.wordpress.com


Amy said...

LOL! About half of the kids at our elementary school are dropped off by their parents or walk to school. You have the option to park in the side lot, or the lot in front of the school, or you can go through the bus lane to drop them off, but you must heed the bus signals. Oh, and to park in the front lot, you actually have to drive THROUGH the bus lane and come back around, because it's slanted parking. It's a disaster. Picking them up after school is even more fun because you HAVE to park somewhere, and let's just say there are more cars than parking spaces.

SumnerRain said...

I used to think maybe their coffee had not kicked in yet, but they don't seem to be much better in the afternoon.

SumnerRain said...

That was so funny Sheridan. Obviously this is an age old problem that touches everyone. Maybe this could be fixed if we all armed ourselves with cattle prods?

SumnerRain said...

Wow, I think they actually had to sit down and WORK to find the least efficient solution there!