Aug 20, 2008

Lessons in patience, love, and support.

Let me start this by admitting that Sophie is a princess... of all my babies, she is by far my most demanding. Most days, I won't even admit that to myself as it does not change how much I adore her, nor would I want to change anything about her. This little diva seems to have needs that are above Maslow's Hierarchy and even when she is fed, dry, held, rocked, etc.; she still seems to have some unfulfilled needs we just cannot meet. Bobby and I have both accepted that and just do our best to comfort her, because we know this too shall pass.

Today I was slacking in the patience department. Sophie wanted to nap on my lap, I wanted to get something to eat since it was 1pm and I had not yet been able to get a thing to eat or drink... I was starting to feel shaky and irritated... I set Sophie down on her sheep skin hoping she would stay asleep, with no avail, so I just ate as quickly as possible while rocking the chair she was in. At the same time, Matthew is yelling at me because he was on meal #3 and wanted more... I kept telling him to come here so I could hear him, and he just kept hollering from across the room. I could almost feel my blood pressure rising. In a weak moment I yelled out "everybody STOP!!" No surprise that my tantrum only made things worse and I felt like I was going to collapse under all the weight on my shoulders.

I looked up and I said "Lord help me, I need a break!" and the most incredible thing happened... I smelled roses. No, I did not stop and smell the roses... I literally smelled the fragrance of roses, a smell I would recognize even 20 years later... it was the fragrance of my grandma Josie. My house that moments before smelled like pre-teen boys, cats, dogs, diapers, and lunch, now just smelled like roses. I picked up Sophie and it almost seemed to be coming out of her pores. She stopped crying and smiled and in my head I could almost hear my grandma saying "Dinky-Dinky Doo-Doo", a little game she played with all of us when we were babies. The smell of roses was still all around me and I felt her love all around me. I no longer felt like I was alone to carry the burden and that she was here to help. You cannot imagine how strong it made me feel to know that any time I was in need, I can know I am truly never alone.

I write this while holding a baby and a preschooler on my lap, with tears welling up in my eyes. I would not have believed it if I did not experience it myself, but I now believe that even after we lose a loved one, they are never truly gone and just when things seem to be at their lowest, you can call out for help and they will be there to pick you up when you are in need.

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