Aug 30, 2006

At a crossroads

I probably don't need to be blogging this right now, as I am physically and mentally exhausted from all the sh*t that has happened today. I swear, I better get answers on the 18th about WHY Christopher is such a challenge. Today in the store it was opposite/argument day. I ask him to go lock my door for me (the automatic door lock has not worked for almost 6 months) and not only does he challenge my request, he ARGUES with me telling me the "better" way to do it (with the key chain) after I explain to him its broken. I had to bite my tongue to keep from saying "told you so" when I demonstrated that it DOES NOT WORK! I think I am coming down with something, I have not gotten a full nights sleep for 8 weeks since Bobby and I were together (my vacation in WA + his business trip), I did NOT need an 8 year old know it all challenging me. BTW, this is AFTER 90 minutes of him being a total brat in the store.

Ok, so with my vent out of the way.

Bobby and I have been talking of fostering a child for years now, probably close to 5 years. Reading Isaac's story puts great fear in my mind. We are finally at a place in life where we CAN foster, we have the time, the resources and the room (if we double the child up with Matthew). Well, part of me now is hesitant to let CPS into my home. I don't like the idea that somebody can come into my home any time they want to check up on the child we are caring for and judge me if I have not washed the breakfast dishes, or if I have no vacuumed the dog hair off the carpet that day. I want to help a child who needs a soft place to fall while they are transitioning through a difficult part of their life, but I refuse to sacrifice the well being of my own children to do that. If anyone out there wants to give me $26,000 so I can adopt a baby from Russia, I would gladly accept! ;)

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